I think I had a missed connection with a cab driver today over Frightened Rabbit. Maybe I just ignored it, but suddenly the cab became electrified with some kind of whatever. Maybe I should take more chances. How often do you bump into a young, cute cab driver with good taste in music? I could have just asked him, instead of googling, who the song was by... but I'm a wimp and I was pissed off about work. Story of my life.
It was a mixed CD that was playing. I could tell because it kept skipping and at one point Eddie Vedder was stuck on the same note. Somehow that made him more attractive. Who made him that CD? Did he make it himself? I was intrigued... fascinated... and went home thinking about the cab driver who got away for the rest of the night. I'll probably still be telling this story by the weekend.
OH, LIFE! Just when everything is stagnant, a little wind comes and gets things moving, if only for a moment. Annnnd now I'm going to go download every Frightened Rabbit thing I can get my hands on. Thanks, guy!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
when denim jumpsuits attack
Every now and then as I'm clothes shopping, something truly hideous appears and I just can't keep my mouth shut about it. I present to you... Boom Boom Jeans "Denim Tank Jumpsuit".
Lindsey and I have discussed this one to extreme lengths... basically the overall question is WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS THING?
Who is wearing this?! Now, maybe my taste isn't the best. I make mistakes sometimes (like when I thought wearing my HS uniform skirt was cute - it wasn't. Thankfully, I was 16 and "punk"), everyone does. But... who is buying this thing and why? I'd like to meet them and figure out what about this monstrosity is attractive to them. This could turn into a minor sociological experiment. What is the mind like of the person who wants to wear this?
Ok enough serious talk, let's get to deconstructing the hideousness of this thing.
-How do you pee in this? You'd have to unbutton the whole top, pull the whole thing down and go. Then pull it back up, button it up and repeat EVERY TIME you have to go to the bathroom. If you drink, forget it. You're pissing your pants... err... jumpsuit.
-What's up with the strategic seaming that looks like an underwire bra? It's doing horrible things for the model's boobs, and I'm guessing will do worse for the average consumer of a denim tank jumpsuit. Let's face it... there are some ugly tits out there. Gisele couldn't even make this thing look good.
-How does she not have a camel toe? (excellent point Lindsey. You get full credit for this observation). It's hard enough to buy jeans if you're a woman but when you combine jeans and a tank into one piece, how does everything work out to NOT have denim all up in your area? Not a good look, on anyone.
-Now, I can't give you a view of the back thanks to shitty linking, or just not being able to figure it out, but it has pockets... and belt loops. WHY DO YOU NEED A BELT IF YOUR PANTS ARE ATTACHED TO YOUR SHIRT????
Ok I think I've covered all bases... but I clearly have some issues with this thing. It's just so... wrong. It's fucking wrong. oh aww keep your hands in your pockets. You're just making it look like you're wearing two separate pieces, but we know you're not. That's a one piece, baby... and it's nasty. It might even be the ultimate in Canadian Tuxedos.
Lindsey asked a guy for his opinion. Let's see what he said:
"that's an abomination in the eyes of the lord
and in mine
and hopefully everyone elses
tell me people don't wear that
TELL ME
THEY DON'T
WEAR THAT"*
Boom Boom Jeans... if there is an apocalypse tomorrow**, the designer of this is going to be one of the first to go, just for creating this thing. I can't... I just can't.
Thank you and goodnight.
*John Redsaw, ladies and gentlemen.
**There better not be an apocalypse tomorrow, I'm enjoying my life too much, even after seeing this thing.
POST SCRIPT
If you are actually interested, this monster goes for $68.50. $68.50 is all it takes for you to look like a tacky piece who should be selling your body at Hunts Point. I'll keep my $68.50, thank you, blow it all on Rod Serling bios, nail polish, and yarn. Although, it is fun to think about my friends and I simultaneously wearing this beast and acting dumb. THEN AND ONLY THEN... then and only then.
Lindsey and I have discussed this one to extreme lengths... basically the overall question is WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS THING?
Who is wearing this?! Now, maybe my taste isn't the best. I make mistakes sometimes (like when I thought wearing my HS uniform skirt was cute - it wasn't. Thankfully, I was 16 and "punk"), everyone does. But... who is buying this thing and why? I'd like to meet them and figure out what about this monstrosity is attractive to them. This could turn into a minor sociological experiment. What is the mind like of the person who wants to wear this?
Ok enough serious talk, let's get to deconstructing the hideousness of this thing.
-How do you pee in this? You'd have to unbutton the whole top, pull the whole thing down and go. Then pull it back up, button it up and repeat EVERY TIME you have to go to the bathroom. If you drink, forget it. You're pissing your pants... err... jumpsuit.
-What's up with the strategic seaming that looks like an underwire bra? It's doing horrible things for the model's boobs, and I'm guessing will do worse for the average consumer of a denim tank jumpsuit. Let's face it... there are some ugly tits out there. Gisele couldn't even make this thing look good.
-How does she not have a camel toe? (excellent point Lindsey. You get full credit for this observation). It's hard enough to buy jeans if you're a woman but when you combine jeans and a tank into one piece, how does everything work out to NOT have denim all up in your area? Not a good look, on anyone.
-Now, I can't give you a view of the back thanks to shitty linking, or just not being able to figure it out, but it has pockets... and belt loops. WHY DO YOU NEED A BELT IF YOUR PANTS ARE ATTACHED TO YOUR SHIRT????
Ok I think I've covered all bases... but I clearly have some issues with this thing. It's just so... wrong. It's fucking wrong. oh aww keep your hands in your pockets. You're just making it look like you're wearing two separate pieces, but we know you're not. That's a one piece, baby... and it's nasty. It might even be the ultimate in Canadian Tuxedos.
Lindsey asked a guy for his opinion. Let's see what he said:
"that's an abomination in the eyes of the lord
and in mine
and hopefully everyone elses
tell me people don't wear that
TELL ME
THEY DON'T
WEAR THAT"*
Boom Boom Jeans... if there is an apocalypse tomorrow**, the designer of this is going to be one of the first to go, just for creating this thing. I can't... I just can't.
Thank you and goodnight.
*John Redsaw, ladies and gentlemen.
**There better not be an apocalypse tomorrow, I'm enjoying my life too much, even after seeing this thing.
POST SCRIPT
If you are actually interested, this monster goes for $68.50. $68.50 is all it takes for you to look like a tacky piece who should be selling your body at Hunts Point. I'll keep my $68.50, thank you, blow it all on Rod Serling bios, nail polish, and yarn. Although, it is fun to think about my friends and I simultaneously wearing this beast and acting dumb. THEN AND ONLY THEN... then and only then.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
When Girl Meets Tranny....
If you have been to my neighborhood, or been around me, you know that craziness gravitates toward me. My latest tale of insanity just had to be blogged because hours later, I still can't believe this.
My local bank, which is conveniently located across the street from my apartment, is notorious for never being locked or secure. This often results in people asking for money after you've used the ATM or all kinds of characters seeking shelter from cold. I left my apartment on a sober Saturday just looking for a few bucks to have a beer with friends. I asked a friend, on our way out, if she would come with me because of above mentioned crazies and the fact that it was nearly midnight and I don't like banking alone after a certain hour as a result.
Upon entering the bank, my first sight was legs on the floor. I thought, "Oh great. Some wackadoo is passed out drunk on the floor." The legs rose and as we looked upon this transient's ass, we realized, "oh, that's not some collapsed drunk" but a tranny, laid out on a blanket with money scattered around her, taking pictures of herself in the reflective security mirror. She looked like a younger Dame Edna (from what I recall... the shock of this really made it difficult to absorb all those usual details one might notice) and was very friendly.
As I took my cash out, we made note of the Otis Redding song playing overhead (there might be crazies in there but they always make it a pleasant environment with music playing at any hour... and surprisingly good music for a bank). Said tranny then informed us that she loves to dance when she's in there. Had our senses been about us, we'd have taken full advantage of this. My friend loves trannies, and who doesn't really? They're just some of the friendliest and funnest people out there.
We said our goodbyes and left but as we walked away and processed what the FUCK just happened, immediate remorse faced us for not having taken full advantage of that. Why didn't we talk more? Why didn't we go so far as to get a picture with this fabulous mess? Why didn't we check if this was a pre or post op tranny? I mean, we did get a good view of her tush, but who knew to think of these things?
That being said... I will never walk into my bank again without thinking of the tranny who got away. I hope her pictures came out fabulously and that the puzzled looking Asian man who walked in after us took mercy on her. You just can't make this shit up.
My local bank, which is conveniently located across the street from my apartment, is notorious for never being locked or secure. This often results in people asking for money after you've used the ATM or all kinds of characters seeking shelter from cold. I left my apartment on a sober Saturday just looking for a few bucks to have a beer with friends. I asked a friend, on our way out, if she would come with me because of above mentioned crazies and the fact that it was nearly midnight and I don't like banking alone after a certain hour as a result.
Upon entering the bank, my first sight was legs on the floor. I thought, "Oh great. Some wackadoo is passed out drunk on the floor." The legs rose and as we looked upon this transient's ass, we realized, "oh, that's not some collapsed drunk" but a tranny, laid out on a blanket with money scattered around her, taking pictures of herself in the reflective security mirror. She looked like a younger Dame Edna (from what I recall... the shock of this really made it difficult to absorb all those usual details one might notice) and was very friendly.
As I took my cash out, we made note of the Otis Redding song playing overhead (there might be crazies in there but they always make it a pleasant environment with music playing at any hour... and surprisingly good music for a bank). Said tranny then informed us that she loves to dance when she's in there. Had our senses been about us, we'd have taken full advantage of this. My friend loves trannies, and who doesn't really? They're just some of the friendliest and funnest people out there.
We said our goodbyes and left but as we walked away and processed what the FUCK just happened, immediate remorse faced us for not having taken full advantage of that. Why didn't we talk more? Why didn't we go so far as to get a picture with this fabulous mess? Why didn't we check if this was a pre or post op tranny? I mean, we did get a good view of her tush, but who knew to think of these things?
That being said... I will never walk into my bank again without thinking of the tranny who got away. I hope her pictures came out fabulously and that the puzzled looking Asian man who walked in after us took mercy on her. You just can't make this shit up.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)