Read Missed Connections and think every vague post, or one around his age range/neighborhood, is written by him.
An open letter to Missed Connections
Dear Missed Connections,
You used to be funny. Every now and then, in a sea of people searching for one another, you'd have a well written, gut busting post by someone who either had a very good sense of humor or was out of their mind. Whether the latter or the former, I love it! Lately though, you've not been living up to the standard you set. Every post is a bunch of vague drivel about "I still miss you" chain posts, or "You were on the train. I winked. Email me." Once upon a time people were posting missed connections with homeless men on the subway and how enchanted they were with their urine stream and the deep connection felt upon eye contact shortly before said homeless man hurled everywhere.*
Frequently, I give up on you. Someone always brings me back and then I read every day. This has seen me through break ups, good times, bad times, and even lead to my own missed connection (it was great! thanks for that!). Sometimes, you've even helped me realize that the relationship I'm in is crap. Lately though, with your lack of amusing posts, all I can do is concentrate on my recent male loss. Every time I see a post in his age range or neighborhood or on a train he rides, my stomach just knots itself up and panic hits. Perhaps I should stop reading, but as you know, you are internet crack.
It's summer time, isn't everyone supposed to be all horny and loopy and writing crazy things? The best you have done for me is this guy, writing poetry that makes me envious, and does not repress my sadness. Who are you, 6? Whoever you are, I know you are (unfortunately?) not looking for me. Anyway, my request is simple, Missed Connections - send me your love stoned, your wacky, your cynical, longing masses... hell, I'll even take some excessive and hilarious grammar and spelling mistakes. Just gimme something. I neeeed it!
Missed Connections, it's time we reconnect.
With Love,
Nic
PS- Maybe you could also post a tutorial for those who provide your constituents. Someone needs to point out that by posting an age (which most onlookers do not guess accurately or know), a vague location (yes, we all love Brooklyn or the F train - whatever) and no detail of what you look like or what happened or were wearing, they will never connect with anyone. Thanks again. xoxo
PPS- I know your parent, Craig's List, has had some incidents with killers and psychopaths lately, but do I really need to give you my phone number if I should ever feel so inclined to write back to one of these jokers, or even write my own missed connection? Unnecessary. I am not a computer, spamming you, so one of those little letter, number, caps lock tests will be just fine. Getting a phone number from someone does not prevent certain tragedy. If history has taught us anything it's that some verrry intelligent people are insane, but not all insane people are very intelligent. Alas, I digress. Your policy sucks. That is all. The end. Promise.
*Yes, this encounter with the homeless man was an actual missed connection I once read and will never, ever forget. It was Craig's List GOLD.
