Charming is the New Manipulative

Ladies and Gentlemen, readers alike... let me tell you why I've discovered why charming is the new manipulative. Yes I'm aware that as of late, if you've been around me, you may have noticed I'm describing whatever I can as "the new black" (really though, asses are the new black... no longer is it all about the t's, the a is getting it's 15 minutes) but I assure you this phase will pass. This time it's a legit thing.

Anyway, after someone had recently described themselves to me as charming, I started thinking about what charming really means, especially when it's coming from a man. Well, frankly... charming is a kinder word for manipulative. Think about every charming person, male OR female, that you've ever met. How has it ended? Not very well, I'm sure. You probably got sucked into a lot of things you wouldn't think you'd do. You maybe put up with a lot of shit you didn't want to, making excuses. This is not just coming from personal experience but having working eyes and ears. People are scummy. (Yes, I am in a particularly disgruntled mood lately and yes, my trust/faith in people is dwindling hard.... but I still remain pleasant about many things in my life!)

So think about these "charming people." Remember any and all stories where someone has described another person as charming. It's a huge red flag. Charming>charmer>charm... a snake charmer... what do they do? They play a song and get the snake completely under their control. While the person being charmed may not the the snake, this concept still applies. Said charming person plays their little sweet song rendering us relatively incapable.

Charismatic... well, I think that's a different story. Sometimes I've heard people relate the two, but charismatic has a much less scummy ring to it. Recently, a friend told me a story about a person described as very charming who also turned out to be a manipulator and turned their back on someone after leading them on. The said manipulated person ended up in a really bad situation. While you should know better after a certain point, she was completely charmed into hope that things would change and clueless as to the charmer's many indiscretions.

Nothing good has ever come, personally, from someone I've met who was described as charming. I finally put this together recently. Thankfully I saw the red flag and came to this conclusion before I got myself into a lot of hot water. Yet somehow, being a single person in an enormous city, knowing this is a big one on the red flag scale, makes me kind of depressed. I'm alright with being single. I have good things elsewhere in my life to keep me from being sad over this at a constant, but just knowing that another huge obstacle is out there makes me exhausted and upset by the prospect of a life alone, or, worse, with a shitbag husband/boyfriend.

So, avoid charming people. No matter how cute they are or how much you have in common or how compatible you think you are. It's probably an act. Sorry, but you might thank me at some point.

I'm back

I've been pretty busy lately but other then my run in at Citibank, few crazy things have happened recently.

My latest incident occurred at a Citibank while I was making a deposit for work. I stood on line behind this visibly not sound of mind man. He kept taking a ticket stub out of his pocket, studying it, then putting it back into his pocket only to remove it and repeat. He never really looked like he was on line, so the three or so people behind me and the three or so ahead of him all looked a bit confused, the former more than the latter. I smelled the crazy all over him, so I pulled out my usual stops: avoid eye contact, avoid being caught staring, nervously fidget with Blackberry as you try to avoid said crazy. Of course, within minutes of this charade he turns to me and says, "Is that him? I think that's him!" He proceeds to wave and smile. "At what?," you wonder? A picture of a baby in a Citibank ad. He then proceeds to tell me that he loves babies so much. As he's called to his appropriate window he is still staring at me. I hear the bank teller asking him where his deposit is and if he is even a member of the bank, but I eventually lose focus on the conversation as I make my own transaction. When I leave, he's still watching me, but thankfully he doesn't follow me to Food Emporium on my next errand.

Why are they always drawn to me? WHY?

missed... rather, ignored, connections?

I think I had a missed connection with a cab driver today over Frightened Rabbit. Maybe I just ignored it, but suddenly the cab became electrified with some kind of whatever. Maybe I should take more chances. How often do you bump into a young, cute cab driver with good taste in music? I could have just asked him, instead of googling, who the song was by... but I'm a wimp and I was pissed off about work. Story of my life.

It was a mixed CD that was playing. I could tell because it kept skipping and at one point Eddie Vedder was stuck on the same note. Somehow that made him more attractive. Who made him that CD? Did he make it himself? I was intrigued... fascinated... and went home thinking about the cab driver who got away for the rest of the night. I'll probably still be telling this story by the weekend.

OH, LIFE! Just when everything is stagnant, a little wind comes and gets things moving, if only for a moment. Annnnd now I'm going to go download every Frightened Rabbit thing I can get my hands on. Thanks, guy!

late night lights...

Billy Joel said "only the good die young". Well, Billy Joel, you're old and still alive and not so good anymore. Maybe only the stupid die young because they haven't worked out a balanced way to go hard while still enjoying their lives.

Yep. That's absolutely it.