When Girl Meets Tranny....

If you have been to my neighborhood, or been around me, you know that craziness gravitates toward me. My latest tale of insanity just had to be blogged because hours later, I still can't believe this.

My local bank, which is conveniently located across the street from my apartment, is notorious for never being locked or secure. This often results in people asking for money after you've used the ATM or all kinds of characters seeking shelter from cold. I left my apartment on a sober Saturday just looking for a few bucks to have a beer with friends. I asked a friend, on our way out, if she would come with me because of above mentioned crazies and the fact that it was nearly midnight and I don't like banking alone after a certain hour as a result.

Upon entering the bank, my first sight was legs on the floor. I thought, "Oh great. Some wackadoo is passed out drunk on the floor." The legs rose and as we looked upon this transient's ass, we realized, "oh, that's not some collapsed drunk" but a tranny, laid out on a blanket with money scattered around her, taking pictures of herself in the reflective security mirror. She looked like a younger Dame Edna (from what I recall... the shock of this really made it difficult to absorb all those usual details one might notice) and was very friendly.

As I took my cash out, we made note of the Otis Redding song playing overhead (there might be crazies in there but they always make it a pleasant environment with music playing at any hour... and surprisingly good music for a bank). Said tranny then informed us that she loves to dance when she's in there. Had our senses been about us, we'd have taken full advantage of this. My friend loves trannies, and who doesn't really? They're just some of the friendliest and funnest people out there.

We said our goodbyes and left but as we walked away and processed what the FUCK just happened, immediate remorse faced us for not having taken full advantage of that. Why didn't we talk more? Why didn't we go so far as to get a picture with this fabulous mess? Why didn't we check if this was a pre or post op tranny? I mean, we did get a good view of her tush, but who knew to think of these things?

That being said... I will never walk into my bank again without thinking of the tranny who got away. I hope her pictures came out fabulously and that the puzzled looking Asian man who walked in after us took mercy on her. You just can't make this shit up.

And soon the thunder will come.
The same as routine lies in you
so it is there in nature.
The storm will pass
but it will always remain a storm.

To You...

who will never get this, because you don't read this...

but also because I enjoy this song. It just so happens to fit slightly well to life right now. I never used to be the biggest Spoon fan, but the more I hear the newer (a term used loosely since Spoon has not put anything out in over a year, I've noticed) things from Spoon the more I enjoy the singer's voice. It's kind of got a late 70's-ish rock sound to it. I know someone is going to get on my ass for saying 70's-ish rock sound but whatever. There was something that made me think The Clash, vocal wise, meets... I'm not sure who. This is just something that popped into my head before I knew who was singing.

When I first heard "The Underdog" in a bar numerous times and had no idea who it was, I thought it was an old school throwback bar song (which I enjoy). I enjoy this kind of rawness in vocals. I don't want to go on further, but overall there's just something simple yet catchy about this whole song. It's got this pleasant little upbeat style. In fact, I've listened to it about 10 times since I've been writing this and perhaps what I've liked about this most is that it suddenly reminds me of some kind of Jawbreaker/Jets to Brazil song. Coming out of Austin, TX does not hurt them either...

My apologies, Spoon, for selling you short after I wasn't impressed with Kill The Moonlight, which I will now give another listen to with my new ears, along with all the other albums from which I've heard random songs I enjoy. Thanks for that, Pandora Radio.

And so, this song has brought me back to Spoon, and Britt Daniel has written my final message to you.


If there's anything you want, come on back 'cause it's all still here...

in the event that you've been wondering...

... a much prettier summary of what i'm feeling like lately:



...but I can't help the feeling... i could blow through the ceiling... if I just turn and run

Join today... SEVEN PEOPLE ARE AFTER YOU

Mylife.com*... what is the point of this? I just saw the commercial for it between segments of Gangland: Pagans. It's my understanding that you dont actually find out who these people are who are looking for you. So is the point just to drive yourself crazy with paranoia? excitement? anxiety? about who these fuckers are? Don't people have enough to be anxious about these days? and how do you know one of those "seven people" who looked you up wasn't you one night? you've got a big date, you just met the guy, he's hot and you're worried about that one time you went to [insert place here] and let your friend post [x] picture up on the internet because 'hey who gives a fuck whatever i'm drunnnnk! I LOOK HOT!'.** Hey, I'm going to google myself. Uh oh!

You may be asking, "why not at least look at it before you bitch about it, you dick". Well, because there are a lot of websites I will visit on this laptop, bad and good, once or more, but stupid shit like mylife.com* will not be one of them... even if it is for educational purposes.

"Seven people are looking for me? Seven? Wow". Bitch, why is that exciting? It could be stalkery men you don't want to talk to, or even stalkery women you're not friends with anymore because they are life ruiners. And why can't these seven people who are looking for you just man up and either call you, email you, or send you a facebook message. The latter two are much easier to obtain than just aimlessly searching for someone. One or two, great... but SEVEN? Is this supposed to draw people in to using your service? Because the idea of SEVEN people looking for me that have obviously not contacted me makes me super uneasy.

Maybe mylife.com* is NOT the problem, maybe the sordid sketchbags of my past, present, and future are the problem. I guess it doesn't really matter because whoever came up with Mylife.com* is probably making more money off chumps than I'm making being a working chump.

You win this round, mylife.com*

*this post is not sponsored, endorsed, or comissioned by mylife.com, though I have used the name several times. Do not join mylife.com after this post... or do... you'll lose either way.

**I know this sounds like something that I might have taken out of the book of my own life, but it hasn't. I swear. Honest.

Thanks to the guy who made this video:

late night lights...

Billy Joel said "only the good die young". Well, Billy Joel, you're old and still alive and not so good anymore. Maybe only the stupid die young because they haven't worked out a balanced way to go hard while still enjoying their lives.

Yep. That's absolutely it.

brought to you by the memory of an adequate date

There are two kinds of people in this world...


The kind who pee in the pool (ocean, lake, etc) and the kind who don't.

Think about that.