Where have all the classy men gone?

A song for the ladies...

In a city of 8 million plus, dating is no easy feat. When about half of those are drunk men at bars, it's even worse. Is your future husband/boyfriend lurking at a bar? Most likely not.

My message to you, single lady friends especially, is do not give up hope.

Men are pigs. Women are too. After a few encounters tonight, what I really am asking myself is not "what's wrong with me?" (which used to be a frequently asked question after a booze fueled night out) but "where have all the classy men gone?". It is NOT ok for men to try and pick you up using lines like "I don't mean to offend you, but you look like you give great head" or "girl that smile is so adorable you've got me sprung like a slinky"*. What is definitely unacceptable is men who resort to personal insults when it's clear you do not want to have sexual relations with them (I'd call it what it is, effing, but I'm trying to keep it classy myself, if only for this one post). Men, as I've learned, seem to have an even harder time when a women basically tells them, in so many words, you are not for me. Let's grow up, shall we? You're drunk. You're obviously not Mr. Personality with your approach (in said cases), and well... apparently contrary to what most of these men seem to think, you're not hot or cute or attractive to me at all. Not everything is to be treated like a sport. Women are very forgiving of many things that men are not. It's not just about a look, it's about a personality, and if you don't have it, the looks just deteriorate from there.

How about you guys learn to handle rejection instead of throwing a tantrum? Yes, no one likes to be rejected, some just handle it better than others, but it is NEVER ok to resort to two major insults just to get back at a woman - those being sexuality and weight. Frankly, calling a girl a slut because she won't get with you is just not valid. If we were sluts, we'd be getting it on with you even though you're a total degenerate piece of trash who has no concept of how to approach a lady. As far as weight insults go, it's a cheap shot. Women of all sizes and shapes do NOT like this. And men know it. While I never expect a man to just walk away, is there no better way for you all to handle this? Two seconds ago you were hitting on me... now I'm a fat skank? Maybe that flies with some women who are more insecure, but the fact of the matter is, no matter what you're like as a woman, you should never accept being called fat or a whore, or both. These are low blows and it is NEVER ok to believe that because some drunken idiot at a bar or on a sidewalk or wherever says this about you, it is true.

So where are the classy men? Silently observing somewhere as a minority in the dark corner of a bar, perhaps? At a coffee shop? On the bus or subway? Who knows. My message to all you ladies out there though is NEVER let someone call you these things. No matter what size or shape you are, there will always be some dim witted fool who feels so hurt that he can't even get laid by a [drunk] girl (who may or may not be drunk to score or just out to have fun with friends after a long week) that he will resort to calling you a whore or fat because he knows that this is where women get really hurt. It's classic button pushing. Are there classy men still out there? The kind of male who can at least insult you with wit and not about something petty but a character flaw, if anything?

The moral of this is, love yourself no matter what you look like, have good friends, and to quote Jersey Shore in a way they probably never thought they'd be quoted: "Do you and enjoy your life". When all is said and done, you will find a guy who appreciates this. He's just likely not going to be at your local watering hole. Remember that intelligence is sexy, not "6 inch heels on hot model girls" who still probably want nothing to do with said dude... or he wouldn't be on the street trying to pick you up.

Stay strong. Fight idiocy... and when someone asks you for a lighter, tell them no.

*these are things that have actually been said to me and I find them to be completely unsexy and in poor taste... and if you know me, you know there isn't much I find in poor taste.

The Midwest: Revisited

I almost always play music through iTunes on shuffle, so last night when Karate "This Day Next Year" came on (a song I hadn't heard in forever), I was transported back to the first time I heard it all over again, in my bedroom the very first time I moved away from home. It was a very small room, which thankfully meant there wasn't room for half the crap I accumulated by the time I left Illinois, with nothing much on the walls, and a small desk with a laptop. The best part about this room was the access to the roof. At night on a cool autumn evening I'd leave the window open, let the curtains blow, and go out on the roof to smoke cigs, sit and talk with friends or just watch what was going on outside... you know, typical stuff people do when they have great roof access. Wow I miss those days. Anyhow... my dear friend Sam would come over quite a bit and we'd always play music and he'd introduce me to some new and wonderful things or we'd revisit old classics together, while I smoked entirely too many of his smokes (if you're reading this, thanks again Sammers). Karate was one of those bands he introduced me to, and I thank him (thanks!) for it a thousand times over because he is right when he says they really are one of the most perfect bands. Before I start a discourse on that, let me get to where I was going...

So this random play made me think about songs I love that make me think of great Midwest nights or just my time there in general. While I can't cover all bases, here are some of the more widely known songs (forgive me, some of these videos were not really all that available on youtube, so I'm working with what I've got), in no discernible order:



Braid - Never Will Come for Us



Getting to see the first night of Braid's reunion tour in Urbana was a huge highlight in music for me even if the show did sort of stink and none of them looked happy to be together again. This song brings out a nostalgia in me but also makes me feel hopeful of something good to come. It just always puts me in a good, go getter, whimsical mood. It reminds me of drives on 74, porch/roof parties, or just sitting in my friend Eric's bedroom as he'd randomly "DJ" and fill the entire house with sometimes not always welcome music.




Karate - This Day Next Year



I already kind of went into this, and forgive me this is not the full song, but it's probably one of the most evocative songs I've ever heard. There is something about this incredibly perfect solo that always makes me feel a little melancholy but comforted. I can almost smell Autumn when I hear it and am sent back to my old bedroom on Main Street. Everything is just so well put together and played... it's beautiful, really.




Mineral - Love Letter Typewriter and Palisade







While they are two separate songs, I always lump them together because the transition between the two (not as apparent here) is so flawless and wonderful and well done that I can't hear one without the other. I spent many, many, many hours listening to this album with Eric and various other friends and it always takes me back. Singing it with the windows down, playing it at home on the beach when I'd come back during the summer to ease my "homesickness", and hours spent hunting for any and all Mineral vinyl on ebay (which I now own most of, save one that I've been too lazy about). Chris Simpson really knew what was up... there's a powerful loneliness in his voice at times yet a strength through the guitars. Eric would usually start this song out and within the first few notes ask "How bad?" or screaming "KABOOM!" in regards to feeling bummed. Simpler times, man.




The Get Up Kids - Central Standard Time



While I don't really like Matt Pryor's solo version of this song, I absolutely love the song itself. The minute I begin to play this song I get flashbacks of going to Tanner's Orchard with friends or being at a show at the VFW on Western in my With Honor hoodie, trying to dodge some shifty scene going on or scam. Much like with Karate, I can smell the Autumn air and even get a picture of orangey yellow leaves and parties and porches and walks home from class. This song just makes me think of my love of the Midwest... it is my love of the Midwest. That's corny, but it would comfort me a lot while I was away or sometimes feed my anxiety about returning, wondering if things were still the same or not and would I be alright when I came back. Lyrically, it's a big one for me.




Modern Life is War - The Outsiders (aka Hell is for Heroes pt I)




I can't really think of the Midwest without thinking of Modern Life is War. Their energy, Jeff's lyrics (no adjective can do them justice)... I'm not going to even go any further because I'm going to gush. In fact... I'm feeling verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. [...] It passed. Anyway, BEST BAND.


HONORABLE MENTIONS (I don't like lists consisting of non-listy type numbers ie: 5 or 10):


Fall Out Boy - Sophmore Slump or Comeback of the Year? (and all of Under the Cork Tree)




I think I have sang this album with essentially almost every person I've met in my Midwestern lifetime. I've got nothing but fond memories of summer, friends, car sing-a-longs and long drives (short ones even) with some of the best people I've met to date. This record will always make me think of all those good times with all those GREAT people (love yoooou). Little more needs to be said. Totally feel good record.




R. Kelly - Ignition (remix)



I can't talk about my adventures in the Midwest without mentioning this song. This takes me back to Lindsey's POS, two door blue/green car and riding around to the mall with her and Boomer or having a billion people crammed in there on the way back from Gabe's or trips to shows and the QC etc etc etc. This was a great sing-a-long song that the three of us used to love and it still takes me back to spring drives around P-town, evaluating what exactly R Kelly is talking about in various lines, and things happening in a car (of the non-dirty variety) that were probably not supposed to happen in one. Maybe one day Boomer will sing the "cristal poppin'" line for me again and make me giggle, but for now I'll just have to rely on my memory for laughs.


Cheers, dudes. Thanks for all the good times and memories centered around these songs.

Party's Here

Let's face it, this blog has been running kind of slowly. I'm just not compelled lately to comment on anything, which, for me, is rare. So, when my dear friend Lindsey came to me with a suggestion that I should post about Jersey Shore, I thought, "perfecto!".

If you're reading this and you actually don't know me, let me give you a little bit of the deets on why this is long overdue. I love watching Jersey Shore. I watch it with my friends, I watch it repeatedly alone, I even watch it with my parents. I went to the Jersey Shore (not of the same variety as this Jersey Shore) almost every summer for my whole life until I was about 22. I am Italian. I am familiar with these stereotypes and fuck, I just think these people are so damn funny. I would NEVER want to be in one of those clubs they frequent on the show (in fact, I've told several friends that if there was a hell, mine would be eternity in one of those clubs, surrounded by clowns and pigeons, with Natalie Merchant** playing at a constant as people just screamed words I hate, specifically p**ties), I could never tan THAT much, and overall could not embrace that lifestyle... however, watching it is just too much. That being said, I share a certain bond with this show, which is pathetic in itself, and as dense as some of them might be, there is still a certain something that I feel for them as people. But mostly it's just hilarious. I can't say anything here that someone else hasn't said before... and probably better than I could.

So, getting back to the point, Lindsey suggested I update about Jersey Shore... so I've decided that weekly, I will update this with my favorite line of the week. You've undoubtedly heard me, or heard about me, quoting certain lines with accuracy a billion times ("Ronnie, you were dancin' with another girl!" "So I took alittlebitta snicker's pickle juice...", "you stawlked my whole life on the bowardwalk", "party's heeeere", et al), but this season seems full of potential new and overused quotables. So, I present to you, my Jersey Shore Episode 1 quote of the week from Ms. Snooki/Snickers/Schnookers herself:

"I am tan, and I like bein' tan, BITCH!"

I love this. Absolutely. They insult each other by saying, you're a pale white rat and she is unable to be swayed by the fact that the comeback insult was a comment on how she's too tan (which she is). You know what though? As ridiculous as it all is, as far as we saw, it shut Angelina up (which I am all for). I like Snooki. She's got a positive attitude and she has a good sense of respect... and she may rip Angelina's face off, yet another huge novelty of this show: people getting angry at each other and kicking ass for a, often times, very small reason. These things are amusing when you rarely see them and definitely don't take part in them.


Now, this all being said, I am even more excited for Thursday's episode and I can't wait to see everyone kicking the crap out of each other, partying, and saying more unintelligent shit (The Situation, ahem, looking at you dude). Out with the old quotes, in the with new.

Goodnight, farewell, jah bless Pauly D, and stay tuned.

**Carnival? Come on... seriously? I can't take that kind of shit. There's nothing wrong with that kind of hippy dippy boho women's movement type stuff, but unless my prophecy of becoming Sally Jesse Raphael meets a high school art teacher meets a crazy cat lady in that condo at the beach is fulfilled, I probably won't be abandoning my razor any time soon in favor of women's lib.